kinnickinnic

Free from desire, you realize the mystery.

Caught in desire, you see only the manifestations.

-- Lao Tzu

it was from my father as a young boy that i learned the value of patience, and the satisfaction that comes from hard work.  he always said, "a job worth doing is a job worth doing well."  at such moments, i was usually then on my way back to the garage to finish turning my "ok" attempt at cleaning it into "a job done well."

such simple words really.  and yet its amazing to me how often we settle for something less than a "job done well" when its within our capacity to do so.

when i sat down to write tonight, it was this particular legacy of my dad's that came to mind as i stared at the photo above, and reminisced about my first trip to wisconsin as an aspiring fly fisherman.

in an internal sense, i am "coming into my own" as i approach my mid-thirties.  and i certainly do not mean to imply that i have answered all my questions, or have reached a point of perpetual equilibrium.  i am simply expressing the reality inside me that i would call "Peace."

for me, this is a relative term.  it is a peace that is comparative to all that has preceded me in my journey....  specifically in mind here, would be my inner journey.

there are perhaps many factors that have played into this experience of self-actualization, some big some small.  but as this has taken place, i find myself placing in front of me all that has become uniquely "me" as an object of reflection itself, and then locating it within the wider story of my life.  in some respects it is hard to believe that the memories i have of "my self" are memories of a single individual.  and on the other hand, its like nothing has changed.

fly fishing to me is a sign of my person "coming home."  it is a sign of belonging to myself.  it is at once both a sign of my having fully embraced "adulthood" and at the same time a connection to all that is "youth" within me.  when i step into the river, it "just is" true that there are few other moments in life that i am more "shane" than when my feet submerge.

in this sense, fly fishing could not possibly be less about fly fishing than it is, but it is precisely for this reason that it is "freed" to be one of the most enjoyable things i have ever taken part in.

paradox.

"free from desire you realize the mystery."  life is filled with such paradoxes.  i expect nothing from the river, from the trout living beneath the surface, from the sky above me, from the air i breathe....  and thus i am free to receive it all.

as gift.

looking back...  i'm not sure what any of this has to do with my dad's having taught me to take time to do something well.  but as i ritually take place in deep introspection, i see the blossoming of something in that memory that has become less about something i "do" and more about something i "am."

fly fishing has been a beautiful lens through which to understand myself and everything i have become...  both good and not-so-good.....

when i reflected back upon my first trip to the kinnickinnic, my first wisconsin trout caught at the helm of my good friend joe's firm but paced instruction, the setting sun on a seasonably warm march evening, and one last rise that i hope will always quicken my heart....  it was my dad's example that came to mind, and the seemingly countless examples which experience has presented to help internalize this priceless bit of wisdom....

...that a job done well....   really is "worth" it......